Sexual violence and coercion is a serious problem faced by young people. Young women aged 18-24 are the most likely group to have experienced sexual violence in the past 12 months (ABS, 2012).

As awkward or embarrassing as we can sometimes find it to talk to young people about sex and relationships, research such as that from the ABS shows how important it is to initiate discussions about ethical and respectful relationships from a young age. Doing so has the potential to contribute to the prevention of sexual violence.

But we don’t always provide young people with information about sexual consent and negotiating romantic or sexual relationships as part of sex education, despite the research indicating that young people want and need this information (Mitchell et al., 2014).

Sexual ethics 101

An ethical approach to sex requires that we challenge the hierarchical system of sexual value that deems certain sexual practices or identities as being inherently “good” or “bad”. Our focus needs to be placed on the extent to which young people treat their sexual partners with respect, regard for mutual pleasure and desire, and the absence of coercion (Rubin, 1992).

An ethical approach to sex gives young people the skills to discuss, negotiate and articulate their own sexual desires and boundaries, and to respect those of others.

While there is no one correct way to negotiate sexual consent, it can involve:

• discussing sexual likes and dislikes with a partner;
• asking if it is ok to proceed with a sexual activity with a partner, and respecting their response;
• paying attention to all the signals a sexual partner is giving, including verbal responses and body language;
• stopping and checking in if a partner gives any sign that they are not comfortable with what is happening;
• never making assumptions about what a sexual partner is thinking or feeling; and
• discussing safer sex practices.

Sexual consent is not a one-off “yes” or “no”. It is an ongoing process throughout a sexual encounter.

Context and power

Social or relationship context can have significant implications for the ability of a sexual partner to freely consent.

An ethical approach to sex requires that we are aware of power dynamics relative to our sexual partners. For instance, does one party have direct power or control over the other, e.g. an employer and employee?

The onus sits with the person in a position of power to “check in” with the other person and to create the space for them to freely communicate their needs and desires. If there are negative consequences for not having sex, such as losing your job, then that sex is not ethical.

It is also important to reflect on how our sexual scripts might shape or limit the ways in which we negotiate sex. For example, sexual scripts often depict men as being the relentless pursuers of sex, and women the passive recipients.

Sexual ethics education

Programs such as Moira Carmody’s Sex & Ethics have been implemented in some settings across Australia to teach young people about negotiating sex in a way that minimises the potential for sexual violence or coercion to occur. Initial evaluations suggest the program has had some success in changing attitudes and behaviours (Carmody & Ovenden, 2013).

It is vital that sexual ethics education starts early and is age-appropriate, respect and ethics are modelled across all interactions within a school or organisation (and other environments such as the home), and programs are responsive to different social, cultural and religious needs.

In so doing, we may begin to work towards reducing the levels of sexual violence in young people’s lives.

Resources for parents, teachers and young people

• Sex & Ethics: A program that provides young women and men opportunities to learn new ways of negotiating sexual intimacy.
• The practical guide to sex, love and relationships: A teaching resource with activities exploring relationships, sexual consent, equity and sexual and reproductive health.
• SHine SA: A leading not-for-profit provider of primary care services and education for sexual and relationship wellbeing.

• Respectful Relationships Education: This report is intended to advance violence prevention efforts in schools in Victoria and around Australia.
• Talk soon, talk often: A guide for parents talking to their kids about sex.
• Scarlateen: Inclusive sexuality and relationships information designed for teenagers.
• Talking the Talk - Sex and health education: Simple tips and strategies for talking to children and young people about sex.
• Conceptualising the prevention of sexual assault and the role of education
• "Time to get cracking": The challenge of developing best practice in Australian sexual assault prevention education

References

Australian Bureau of Statistics (2012). Personal Safety, Australia, 2012 (Cat. No. 4906.0). Canberra: Australian Bureau of Statistics.

Carmody, M. (2015). Sex, ethics and young people. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Carmody, M., & Ovenden, G. (2013). Putting ethical sex into practice: Sexual negotiation, gender and citizenship in the lives of young women and men. Journal of Youth Studies, 16(6), 792-807.

Mitchell, A., Patrick, K., Heywood, W., Blackman, P., & Pitts, M.K. (2014). National survey of Australian secondary students and sexual health, (ARCSHS Monograph No. 97). Melbourne: Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health & Society.

Rubin, G. (1992). Thinking sex: Notes for a radical theory of the politics of sexuality. In Vance, C.S. (Ed.) Pleasure and danger: Exploring female sexuality (pp. 267-319). London: Pandora.

An earlier version of this article was published on The Conversation.

The feature image is by Garry Knight, CC BY 2.0.