Children’s support needs following parental separation

Resource summary

This article summarises research evidence on children's experiences of parental separation and support needs. It draws on studies that centre children’s voices to outline principles for child-inclusive practice and age-appropriate support. This paper is aimed at child and family support and relationship practitioners who work with children and parents but may also be useful for other professionals that have contact with children and parents.

Introduction

Each year, around 50,000 children in Australia experience their parents’ divorce and even more experience parental separation¹ (Australian Bureau of Statistics [ABS], 2025). These family transitions often bring profound changes to children’s lives, including shifts in living arrangements, schooling and relationships with family and peers (Knight, 2019; Ramezanzadeh et al., 2022).

Support during and after separation is important to help children navigate these challenges (Carson et al., 2018; Guyette & Harris, 2024). However, current research on child needs often focuses on adult perspectives (parents, caregivers and practitioners) rather than children’s experiences (Knight, 2019; Parkinson & Cashmore, 2021; Stone, 2019).

We don’t always know if children are struggling, or in what ways, but we do know that the stories children tell about their parents’ separation can differ from the views of their parents (e.g. about their parents’ parenting skills, who they feel most close to or want to live with) (Alminde, 2024).

This short article draws on research that centres the voices of children, aged 0–17 years, identifying their key emotional and relationship support needs. This resource aims to inform practitioners and service providers about how best to support children and their families following parental separation.

What are the effects of parental separation on children?

When parents separate and no longer live together, one or both may become less physically or emotionally available to children. Parental separation can be challenging for children when it results in more limited contact with one parent (Carson et al., 2018; Ramezanzadeh et al., 2022). This can result in children feeling rejected, abandoned or lonely (Nusinovici et al., 2018). These emotional responses can affect children’s behaviour and relationships and may lead to some children becoming less motivated and engaged at school, struggling with attention or withdrawing from friendships or social situations (Nusinovici et al., 2018; Ramezanzadeh et al., 2022).

Although most research has focused on negative impacts rather than positive benefits (Hansen, 2025), the research also shows that parental separation, by itself, does not inevitably harm a child’s wellbeing² (Dimopoulos et al., 2025; Kleinschlömer & Krapf, 2023). While some children struggle emotionally, socially and academically, others adapt well and even thrive (Guyette & Harris, 2024; Knight, 2019; Nusinovici et al., 2018; Ramezanzadeh et al., 2022; Ridout et al., 2023). For some, separation can bring positive emotions such as relief and joy, especially when it reduces exposure to conflict or violence (Hansen, 2025).

The effects of separation on children depend on a child’s specific experiences, how parents manage the separation, the meaning children assign to the separation and the supports available to them and their families (Dimopoulos et al., 2025; Hansen, 2025; Nunes Cunha, 2024). These varied responses highlight the importance of understanding children’s perspectives on what helps them cope. Professionals should avoid assuming that children’s experiences will be inherently ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

What do children need when their parents separate?

Research shows that when parents separate, children are likely to have needs in several key areas (Carson et al., 2018; Hayes & Birnbaum, 2019). These can include:

• emotional security and stability (e.g. through living arrangements and routines)
• open and honest communication
• their views to be taken seriously and to be involved in decisions that affect them (as appropriate according to age and/or developmental stage)
• age-specific support.

Read below and see Table 1 for a breakdown of children’s support needs and preferred support sources across age groups.

Sources: Carson et al. (2018), Knight (2019), Lodge (2012), Ridout et al. (2023).

Children’s needs for security and stability

Children commonly value predictability and stability during and after parental separation. They can feel more secure when their daily routines, relationships and environments remain stable; this can include staying in the same school and maintaining familiar activities as much as possible (Baxter, 2025; Carson et al., 2018).

Supportive school environments, especially when they offer strong mental health resources, can also help mitigate any negative effects of parental separation and are frequently identified as key external sources of support (Carson et al., 2018; Kaspiew et al., 2014; Parkinson & Cashmore, 2021). For example, some children report that school-based counsellors and mental health professionals can help them navigate life changes; in part, because they operate in familiar settings (Carson et al., 2018).

Children also value post-separation parenting agreements that preserve meaningful connections. While no single arrangement suits every family and circumstances vary, children often prefer shared care arrangements with fair division of (quality) contact with both parents/carers (when safe and appropriate)³ (Alminde, 2024; Fehlberg et al., 2025; Parkinson & Cashmore, 2021).

They also commonly want to stay connected with siblings, even where living and care arrangements differ (Campo et al., 2020; Hayes & Birnbaum, 2019; Knight, 2019). Importantly, children’s preferences and needs may change over time, so parents and professionals need to listen and adapt arrangements accordingly (Campo et al., 2020; Carson et al., 2018).

Children’s needs for communication and listening

Trusted adults and peers play a key role in helping children manage the emotional impacts of separation. Many turn to parents, siblings and grandparents for comfort, while others find support in friendships and in familiar environments such as school (Kay-Flowers, 2025; Knight, 2019).

In the research exploring children’s voices, children consistently emphasised that they want to be heard and taken seriously. Children ask to be approached as individuals who are competent in participating and interpreting their own experiences (Carson et al., 2018; Hansen, 2025). They respond best to adults who adopt a curious and exploratory mindset that puts the children at the centre (Hansen, 2025). They want adults to listen, respect their views, validate their feelings and earn their trust (Hayes & Birnbaum, 2019; Carson et al., 2018).

When excluded or inadequately informed, children often feel confused, distressed and undervalued (Knight, 2019). Older children, in particular, seek reliable explanations about family changes and legal processes from both parents and professionals (Carson et al., 2018; Ridout et al., 2023).

Research with children and young people has found that they want their views considered in parenting arrangements and wish to maintain open communication with both parents after separation (Carson et al., 2018; Parkinson & Cashmore, 2021). Improving access to safe and effective ways for children and young people to express their views is not only consistent with children’s rights but also supports their agency and wellbeing and is critical to informed decision making that is genuinely in their best interests (Carson et al., 2025; Fehlberg et al., 2025).

Children’s needs for involvement in decision making and having their voices heard

Children navigating parental separation can potentially benefit from a range of supports, both informal (family and peers) and formal (professionals), and it is important that children are informed about the range of support options available to them (Carson et al., 2018).

Although the evidence suggests that formal support options for children are often limited, it also shows that they can appreciate access to professional and peer support services and value having a trusted adult who is independent of their parents and/or who can advocate for them in legal contexts where appropriate (Alminde, 2024).

Child-inclusive practices, such as involving children in mediation or appointing independent advisors, can help ensure children’s voices are heard and their wellbeing is prioritised (Alminde, 2024). Many children report positive experiences with mental health services, particularly counselling and therapy, that can support emotional adjustment during family changes (Carson, 2018; Knight, 2019; Ridout et al., 2023).

However, not all children feel comfortable discussing family matters with professionals, and some prefer support from trusted family members or friends (Carson et al., 2018). Respecting these preferences is essential for effective support.

Age-specific support needs

Age plays an important part in the kinds of support that children ask for after parental separation (see Table 1). Younger children often require reassurance, consistency in routines and simple, clear explanations to help them understand what is happening. As children grow older, their capacity to comprehend complex family dynamics increases, and so does their desire for involvement in decisions that affect them (Dimopoulos et al., 2025; Lodge, 2012).

Adolescents, in particular, value transparency and autonomy, and they often seek more detailed information about legal processes and parenting arrangements (Knight, 2019; Ridout et al., 2023). However, children of all ages may ask for trusted information to understand how the decisions about these arrangements are being made (Carson et al., 2018).

Practice considerations

These are some considerations for what practitioners can do to support children and their families following parental separation.

• Support parenting arrangements that promote security and stability in children’s lives. 
  Children’s wellbeing after parental separation can be supported by promoting arrangements that prioritise emotional and relational stability, predictability with routines and connection with others in daily life (Galbraith & Kingsbury, 2022). When safe and appropriate, maintaining regular contact with both parents helps foster a sense of security and belonging. Reasonable flexibility in parenting arrangements is also important to accommodate children’s changing needs over time (Carson et al., 2018).
• Complete professional training in listening to children.
  Practitioners can increase their knowledge and skills for how to engage children appropriately through training in empathetic listening, trust building and responding sensitively to children’s concerns. Trust is fostered by demonstrating patience and a genuine interest in children’s perspectives, along with empathy, respect and attentiveness to their needs (Carson, 2018).
• Engage in child-inclusive decision making in your work with families.
  Services to support families after parental separation should be both child-inclusive and child-centred. Children should be recognised as active participants in shaping the outcomes that affect them, not passive recipients of adult decisions. Participation can range from informal conversations with a trusted adult to structured involvement in mediation or legal processes. Even private meetings with a practitioner can help children feel acknowledged and respected. (Carson, 2018; Hayes & Birnbaum, 2019)
• Age-appropriate communication and participation help children feel understood and respected.
  Tailoring support to developmental stages is essential for promoting children’s wellbeing during separation. For example, younger children may benefit most from play-based therapeutic approaches and close parental support, while older children and teens often prefer peer support, counselling and opportunities to express their views independently (Carson, 2018; Ridout et al., 2023).
  Age-appropriate communication and participation not only help children feel respected and understood but also contribute to better emotional adjustment and resilience. Practitioners should aim to offer clear, honest and age-appropriate explanations to children about what is happening and why. Withholding information may lead to confusion and anxiety. (Hayes & Birnbaum, 2019; Baxter, 2025)
• Ensure ongoing emotional and therapeutic support.
  Practitioners can support children by helping them regulate – recognise, accept and validate – their emotional reactions during parental separation (Hansen, 2025). Practitioners can help children:
• recognise what they are feeling
• accept those feelings as normal responses to a difficult situation
• validate their emotions by listening and offering reassurance.

Importantly, children’s emotional support needs often extend beyond the immediate separation period. Services should offer ongoing access to mental health and wellbeing support tailored to individual needs, including follow-up counselling and therapeutic interventions (Carson, 2018).

Conclusions

Practitioners providing child-centred services during parental separation or divorce should prioritise children's active participation, age-appropriate communication, professional training in listening and ongoing emotional support. These principles ensure children's views are respected and their mental health and wellbeing needs are met, fostering a more inclusive and supportive environment during family transitions.

How this resource was developed

This article summarises evidence and literature gathered from peer-reviewed academic articles and grey literature on children’s experiences of parental separation and support needs.

This publication was produced by AIFS Child Family Community Australia information exchange (CFCA). The CFCA information exchange provides high quality, evidence-based information, resources and interactive support for professionals in the child, family and community welfare sector. The work of CFCA is funded by the Australian Government Department of Social Services. 

Further reading and resources

For further information on children with separated parents, see these resources.

AIFS

• Fostering a positive sense of home for children in shared parenting arrangements
  This practice guide describes some common challenges children face when navigating life across 2 households and what can help create a positive experience of home post-parental separation.
• Parental separation from an adolescent perspective: What do they say?
  This paper features findings from interviews with adolescents from separated families, emphasising the importance of listening to young people's perspectives on their experiences of parental separation.
• Supporting children’s wellbeing when working with separating parents
  This webinar explores how practitioners can make children's wellbeing central to conversations with parents navigating separation or divorce, focusing on child-centred approaches.
• Parenting programs that support children's mental health through family separation
  This webinar identifies the common elements of evidence-based parenting programs that support children's mental health through parental separation, providing practitioners with information about 'what works’.
• The meaning of home for children and young people after parental separation
  This short article explores how children and young people experience and define 'home' after their parents separate. It aims to help adults understand children’s perspectives on what living arrangements work best for them.
• Child wellbeing after parental separation
  This paper summarises key findings from a range of studies dealing with the experiences of separated families, children's needs in the context of the family law system and the impact of domestic and family violence on parenting.
• Give children a bigger voice more of the time: Children’s and young people’s experiences of the family law system
  This webinar describes the importance of listening to and supporting children and young people throughout the process of parental separation and their involvement in the family law system.

Other Australian resources and support services

Emerging Minds

Emerging Minds offer resources for parents to support their child's wellbeing during separation or divorce. You can access their resources on the Emerging Minds website.

• Supporting your child's wellbeing during separation or divorce
• Parenting after a separation or divorce
• Child-focused practice with separating parents
• How communicating well can keep separated families connected
• Talking to your child about separation and divorce
• Looking after yourself during a separation or divorce

Resources and support services

• Supporting Children After Separation Program (SCaSP): This program by Better Place Australia helps children build resilience and develop healthy coping strategies during parental separation and family conflict. More details can be found on their website Better Place Australia.
• Kids Helpline: This service offers free, confidential counselling for children and young people. They provide tips and support for navigating parental separation or divorce. You can find more information on their website Kids Helpline.
• Family Relationship Advice Line is a helpline service that offers advice on family relationship issues and parenting arrangements after separation. Anyone (parents, grandparents, children, other family members) can call 1800 050 321 for family relationship advice or a referral to local services that can help.
• The Australian Government provides family counselling services and other programs across Australia to help parents work out parenting and other arrangements and to focus on their children.
• For a confidential chat about parenting and help with parent–child relationships, contact one of these parent support helplines and hotlines.
• If you have experienced domestic or family violence you can contact 1800 RESPECT– call 1800 737 732 (24 hours per day, 7 days a week) or chat with a counsellor online.
• This resource from the Australian Psychological Society has important advice for parents who are leaving a violent partner, including how to help children cope with strong feelings and to regain a sense of physical and emotional safety.

References

Alminde, S. (2024). Listening to children: A childist analysis of children’s participation in family law cases. Social Sciences, 13(133), 1–12. doi:10.3390/socsci13030133

Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS). (2025). Marriages and divorces. Canberra: ABS. abs.gov.au/statistics/people/people-and-communities/marriages-and-divorces-australia/latest-release#key-statistics

Hervatin, M., & Hinkley, T. (2021). What works to improve young children’s social, emotional and behavioural wellbeing? (CFCA Paper No. 62). Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. aifs.gov.au/resources/policy-and-practice-papers/what-works-improve-young-childrens-social-emotional-and

Baxter, J. (2025). When parents live apart: Children’s experiences and wellbeing according to post separation arrangements and contexts. LSAC Research Report. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. aifs.gov.au/sites/default/files/2025-02/2412_LSAC%20PLE-FINAL.pdf

Campo, M., Fehlberg, B., Natalier, K., & Smyth, B. (2020). The meaning of home for children and young people after separation. Journal of Social Welfare and Family Law, 42(3), 299–318. doi:10.1080/09649069.2020.1796218

Carson, R. (2018). ‘Give children a bigger voice, more of the time’: Findings from the Children and Young People in Separated Families project. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. aifs.gov.au/resources/short-articles/give-children-bigger-voice-more-time-findings-children-and-young-people

Carson, R., Dunstan, E., Dunstan, J., & Roopani, D. (2018). Children and young people in separated families: Family law system experiences and needs. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. childandfamily-sa.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/1806_children_and_young_people_in_separated_families_report_0.pdf

Dimopoulos, G., Hew, E., Vosz, M., & Walsh, H. (2025). ‘Talk to us, not about us’: Children's understandings and experiences of participation in Australian Family Law. Child & Family Social Work, 0–13. doi:10.1111/cfs.13275

Fehlberg, B. Smyth, B. M., Campo, M., & Natalier, K. (2025), The meaning of home for children and young people after parental separation: Key insights for practice. Australian Journal of Social Issues, 60, 922–933. doi:10.1002/ajs4.70033

Galbraith, N., & Kingsbury, M. (2022). Parental separation or divorce, shared parenting time arrangements, and child well-being: New findings for Canada. Canadian Studies in Population, 49, 75–108. doi:10.1007/s42650-022-00068-0

Guyette, E., & Harris, S. M. (2024). The impact of divorce education programs on co-parental conflict: Review of programs with parent follow-up reports. Family Court Review, 62(3), 542–561. doi:10.1111/fcre.12797

Hansen, P. R. (2025). Children of divorced parents: The limitations of one-size-fits-all interventions. Child & Family Social Work, 1–10. doi:10.1111/cfs.13278

Hayes, M., & Birnbaum, R. (2019). Voice of the children reports in Ontario: A content analysis of interviews with children. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 61(5), 301–319. doi:10.1080/10502556.2019.1619379

Kaspiew, R., Carson, R., Moore, S., De Maio, J., Deblaquiere, J. et al. (2014). Independent Children’s Lawyers Study. 2nd edition. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. aifs.gov.au/sites/default/files/2022-06/IndependentChildrensLawyerStudyFinalReport.pdf

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Kleinschlömer, P., & Krapf, S. (2023). Parental separation and children’s well-being: Does the quality of parent-child relationships moderate the effect? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 40(12), 4197–4218. doi:10.1177/02654075231201

Knight, B. A. (2019). Holding the words: Children’s experiences of parental separation and divorce [Doctoral dissertation]. Australian Catholic University, School of Allied Health. acuresearchbank.acu.edu.au/item/85q6z/holding-their-words-children-s-experiences-of-parental-separation-and-divorce

Lodge, J. (2012). Parental separation from an adolescent perspective: What do they say? Melbourne: Child Family Community Australia, Australian Institute of Family Studies. aifs.gov.au/resources/policy-and-practice-papers/parental-separation-adolescent-perspective-what-do-they-say

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Nusinovici, S., Olliac, B., Flamant, C., Müller, J.-B., Olivier, M., Rouger, V. et al. (2018). Impact of parental separation or divorce on school performance in preterm children: A population-based study. PLOS ONE, 13(9), e0202080. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0202080

Parkinson, P., & Cashmore, J. (2021). Children’s experiences of shared care. In J. M. de Torres Perea, E. Kruk, & M. Ortiz-Tallo (Eds.). The Routledge international handbook of shared parenting and best interest of the child (pp. 1–12). London: Routledge. taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781003140566-3/children-experiences-shared-care-patrick-parkinson-judith-cashmore

Ramenanzadeh, S., Etemadi, O., & Asanjarani, F. (2022). A constructivist grounded study on children’s perception of loneliness after parental divorce. Qualitative Research Journal, 22(4), 464–477. doi:10.1108/QRJ-02-2022-0027

Ridout, B., Fletcher, J., Smith-Merry, J., Collyer, B., Dalgleish, J., & Campbell, A. (2022). A national survey of children’s experiences of parental separation and support needs in Australia. Youth & Society, 55(3), 494–523. doi:10.1177/0044118X211061172

Ștefan, C. A., Dănilă, I., & Cristescu, D. (2022). Classroom‑wide school interventions for preschoolers’ social‑emotional learning: A systematic review of evidence‑based programs. Educational Psychology Review, 34(4), 2971–3010. doi:10.1007/s10648-022-09680-7

Stone, J. F. (2019). A psychosocial study exploring children’s experience of their parents’ divorce or separation [Doctoral dissertation]. Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust, University of Essex. repository.tavistockandportman.ac.uk/2075/1/Stone%20-%20Psychosocial.pdf

1 Parental separation in this article refers to both legal divorce and the ending of cohabiting relationships involving children. This description includes non-biologically related parents/carers as the issues can be similar, despite there being less research available on these groups.

2 Social and emotional wellbeing (SEWB) refers broadly to the way a person thinks and feels about themselves and others. It incorporates emotional, behavioural and relational functioning and is a facet of child development. (Hervatin & Hinkley, 2021; Ștefan et al., 2022)

3 Under the paramountcy principle in the Family Law Act, post-separation parenting arrangements are guided by what is in the best interests of the child, having regard to the circumstances of each case.