Relationship with spouse or partner

Many Australian adults are in a couple relationship, either cohabiting or married, so we begin by reporting on this relationship. At 2016, for example, 48% of Australians aged 15 years and over were in a registered marriage and 10% were cohabiting, leaving 42% neither married nor cohabiting.¹ In the Families in Australia survey, in May-June 2021, 60% were living with a spouse or partner (married or cohabiting), with another 6% saying they had a spouse or partner who sometimes or always lived elsewhere. Another 32% in Families in Australia said they did not have a spouse or partner and 3% selected 'other', with many of these self-reporting in the free-text box being widowed or separated.²

As a measure of relationship quality for those with a spouse or partner, the survey asked respondents to indicate how satisfied or dissatisfied they were with their couple relationship. Responses indicate that levels of relationship satisfaction are quite high, with almost half of respondents saying they were very satisfied with this relationship. Overall, 48% were very satisfied, 34% satisfied, 8% neither satisfied or dissatisfied and 10% dissatisfied or very dissatisfied.

Positive aspects of this relationship were reported by many respondents when asked if they wanted to provide more information about their relationships.

Levels of satisfaction with a partner or spouse relationship were highest among older respondents (Figure 1), with around half of respondents in their fifties and sixties and almost two-thirds (63%) of those aged 70 or older saying they were very satisfied with their relationship, compared to 40% of those under 30 (Figure 1).

Figure 1: Satisfaction with relationship with spouse or partner, by age group, May-June 2021

Note: Estimates not reliable for the dissatisfied and neutral categories for the 18-29 age group (cell count <20).

Source: Families in Australia Survey 3, weighted. N = 3,495

Some of these positive feelings among those in long-term relationships, including older people, were apparent among Families in Australia respondents:

Younger peoples' comments also include positive reflections about their couple relationship, although the challenges of parenthood, domestic arrangements and busy lifestyles also come through.

Respondents who had a spouse or partner were also asked about various aspects of that relationship (Figure 2):

• Most agreed (39%) or strongly agreed (40%) that they often have meaningful conversations.
• Half strongly agreed (49%) that they have a close relationship, and a further 34% agreed.
• 57% strongly agreed and 32% agreed that they supported each other through difficult times.
• 40% disagreed and 25% strongly disagreed that they argue quite a lot.

Figure2: Aspects of relationship with spouse or partner, May-June 2021

Source: Families in Australia Survey 3, weighted. N = 3,262

These comments by respondents highlight some of the positive, supportive relationships:

The findings for frequent arguments, in Figure 2, show that arguments are not commonplace in most relationships. However, 16% either agreed or strongly agreed with the statement 'we argue quite a lot'. This is not necessarily indicative of a problematic relationship, with the free-text responses suggesting some couples incorporate disagreement into their relationships as a positive element, such that disagreements on issues are separate from their personal connection to each other.

Of course, arguments can be indicative of a strained relationship, and this is apparent in some of the free-text responses, along with other indicators of relationships under pressure, with comments reflecting on the impacts of COVID, added strains of parenting, being time poor or managing work stresses, and financial and/or health challenges.

As would be expected, respondents who said that they have meaningful conversations, have a close relationship and support each other through difficult times and do not have frequent arguments more commonly reported high levels of satisfaction with their relationship with their spouse or partner (Figure 3).

• Among those who agreed that they have meaningful conversations, 92% reported being satisfied or very satisfied with their relationship with their spouse, compared to 16% of those who disagreed with this statement.
• Of those who agreed with the statement 'we have a close relationship', 93% reported being satisfied or very satisfied with their relationship with their partner, compared to only 2% of those who disagreed with that statement.
• Among those who agreed with the statement 'we support each other through difficult times', 89% were satisfied or very satisfied with their relationship, compared to 2% of those who disagreed with the statement.
• Among those who agreed with the statement 'we argue quite a lot', almost half reported being satisfied or very satisfied with their relationship, while the proportion satisfied was considerably higher (92%) for those who disagreed with this statement.

Figure 3: Proportion satisfied (or very satisfied) with their relationship with spouse or partner, by relationship qualities, May-June 2021

Source: Families in Australia Survey 3, weighted. N = 3,262

Couple relationships when partners do not co-reside

Almost all of those in a couple relationship are living with their spouse or partner. However, there is a significant proportion who are in a couple relationship but are not residing full-time with their partner. Reimondos, Evans, and Gray (2011) estimated that 9% of people aged 18 years and over were in a non-cohabiting union, based on analysis of Wave 5 of the Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA) survey. In the Families in Australia Survey, 60% were living full-time with their spouse or partner and another 6% had a spouse or partner they lived apart from some or all of the time.

There are a number of possible explanations for having a non-cohabiting partner, some related to constraints (e.g. distance, lack of financial resources to move in together, one of the couple being in jail, or in hospital or aged care) and some related to individuals' preferences for autonomy and independence (see Reimondos et al., 2011). We heard something of these explanations when we asked respondents to tell us if we hadn't completely captured their family situation.

In particular, and as noted in the quote above, the COVID-19 pandemic may have affected relationship formation and co-residence decisions or opportunities. For some, the pandemic may have led to a decision to co-reside, while for others, border closures or concerns about health may have led to remaining apart.

Reports about changes to living arrangements, which we asked about in the first two Families in Australia surveys in 2020, also showed some of these impacts.

Figure 4 shows that, compared to satisfaction levels among those who were living with their spouse or partner, satisfaction levels were lower among those who did not live with their partner or lived together some of the time. Among those who lived with their partner all the time, almost half (49%) reported very high levels of relationship satisfaction, compared to around one in three (35%) respondents who did not live with their partner all the time. Open-text responses, such as those presented above, showed that for some couples living apart, lower levels of satisfaction were due to them being apart as a result of COVID restrictions, while for others, there is satisfaction in the relationship that involves a living apart arrangement.

Figure 4: Satisfaction with relationship with spouse or partner, May-June 2021

Source: Families in Australia Survey 3, weighted. N = 3,262 (live together), 243 (do not live together or live together sometimes)

Parent-child relationships

Another important relationship within families is that between parent and child. Thinking first about this relationship from the perspective of parents, 50% of those with resident children reported being very satisfied with the relationship with these children and a further 36% said that they were satisfied (Figure 5). Satisfaction was especially high for those with children aged 0-2 years. There was more dissatisfaction for those whose youngest child had reached their teens and was aged 13-17 years - although most with children in that age group are satisfied or very satisfied.

Figure 5: Parents' satisfaction with their relationship with resident children, by age of youngest resident child, May-June 2021

Source: Families in Australia Survey 3, weighted. N = 2,373

When the family includes multiple children, another factor contributing to family dynamics is how well those children get along. Respondents with two or more resident children under 18 were asked about their satisfaction with how the children in the household get along with each other. The majority said that they were satisfied or very satisfied. More dissatisfaction was apparent in families that included children aged 10-17 years, compared to those families with only younger children (Figure 6).

Figure 6: Satisfaction with how the (resident) children get along with each other, by child ages, households with children aged under 18 years, May-June 2021

Source: Families in Australia Survey 3, weighted. N = 1,015

Comments about children getting along indicated a great deal of diversity of experiences.

The open-text responses showed that parents often considered siblings' relationships were as to be expected, although some parents commented on the added strains associated with children's particular behavioural or health-related conditions.

Respondents living with a parent

Thinking about the parent-child relationship from the other perspective, some Families in Australia respondents were living with one or both of their parents.³ Most of these were young people living at home with their parents - the average age of respondents who were living with a parent was 28, and most (86%) were under 40. The older respondents, though, were much more likely than the younger respondents to provide qualitative information about this co-residential arrangement, with a number referring to a parent or parents living with them, sometimes to fulfil a caring role for that parent. Some strains were apparent in comments about these co-residential arrangements.

Almost a quarter (23%) of these respondents living with a parent said they were very satisfied with their relationship with this parent, and 33% said that they were satisfied. However, almost one in five (19%) rated their satisfaction with the relationship as neutral, and 25% reported being dissatisfied or very dissatisfied.

Conflict among household members

Putting all the possible household relationships together, there is some potential for conflict within the household in all but single-person households. Families in Australia respondents were asked about the level of conflict in their household and their ability to get along with other household members. Most reported that their ability to get along was good (34%) or very good (50%), with only 3% reporting it to be poor or very poor and 14% fair.

Respondents were also asked about the amount of conflict in the household. One in 10 said there was 'quite a bit' or 'a great deal' of conflict in the household and about one in five said there was some conflict. Most said there was a little (46%) or none (25%).

If responses are compared across different household types, defined by who else other than the respondent lives in the household, there are some different patterns of responses (see Figure 7 for 'getting along' and Figure 8 for 'conflict'). Compared to those living in other household types, those who seemed to have some more challenges getting along were those in which the respondent was living with parents or other adult relatives (and who was not also living with a partner or children). Respondents in these households less commonly rated their ability to get along with one another as 'very good' and more commonly reported at least some conflict in the household.

Figure 7: Ability for household members to get along with one another, May-June 2021

Note: There are many different family combinations, and this classification simplifies the many different compositions. 'With children' means children aged under 18 years live in the household, while 'With older children' means that there are no children under 18 years but the respondent has their own children aged 18 years or older living in the household.

Source: Families in Australia Survey 3, weighted. N = 4,089

Figure 8: Amount of conflict in the household, by household type, May-June 2021

Source: Families in Australia Survey 3, weighted. N = 4,091

Parents' relationships with each other after separation

Families, of course, reach across other households as well. One example of this is where parents are not living together, such as in the case of parents who have separated due to a relationship breakup.

Families in Australia respondents who have children who also have a parent living elsewhere (N = 370) were asked how they would best describe their own current relationship with the other parent: 14% selected 'friendly'; 20% selected 'co-operative'; 26% selected 'distant'; 32% selected 'lots of conflict'; and 9% selected 'fearful'.

In answering this, respondents were asked to choose the description that best fit their relationship, but the open-text comments that followed highlighted the complexities in many of these relationships, with the nature of that relationship often changing over time.

These responses are somewhat more negative than reports of parents in previously published research by AIFS on separated families (e.g. Kaspiew et al., 2015), with Families in Australia participants being less likely to indicate their relationship is 'friendly' and more likely to indicate their relationship has 'lots of conflict'. This may reflect the different characteristics and contexts of the Families in Australia Survey participants compared to those participating in other AIFS research on separated families.

Final remarks about relationships

The survey provided the opportunity for respondents to comment about their family or household relationship, and selected responses have been presented above to illustrate findings from the survey questions.

In responding to this question, some made specific remarks related to COVID, such as being impacted by lockdowns and restrictions. For example:

But the pandemic was only one of a number of contextual factors affecting or central to these relationships. Other comments referred to relationships in the context of physical and mental health and caring responsibilities, the division of household chores, financial stress and, for some, having experienced family violence.

For example, in relation to the challenges of managing families with mental health issues or other health issues and caring responsibilities:

Respondents also mentioned dissatisfaction or frustration with how household tasks are shared as contributing to conflict and arguments in the household (see also Baxter, 2021).

Further, financial concerns were central to some of the other comments about family relationships (see also Baxter & Warren, 2021).

Summary

Family relationships are varied and complex. This snapshot has focused largely on the relationships between family members within a household, with most respondents reporting positively on these relationships. The data show evidence of many supportive and strong relationships. Of course, some families experience conflict, and some are not satisfied with some or all of their relationships. Particular family experiences can impact these relationships, and the analysis of the qualitative data here highlighted that the COVID-19 pandemic, and associated lockdowns and restrictions, is only one of a number of factors that matter in this regard.

References

• Baxter, J. (2021). Sharing of housework in couple families in 2020 (Families in Australia Survey: Towards COVID normal. Report no. 5). Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies.
• Baxter, J., & Warren, D. (2021). Families' concerns about finances (Families in Australia Survey 3: Report no. 1). Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies.
• Kaspiew, R., Carson, R., Dunstan, J., De Maio, J., Moore, S., Moloney, L. et al. (2015). Experiences of Separated Parents Study (Evaluation of the 2012 Family Violence Amendments). Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies.
• Reimondos, A., Evans, A., & Gray, E. (2011). Living-apart-together (LAT) relationships in Australia. Family Matters, 87, 43-55.

About the Families in Australia Survey

The Families in Australia Survey is AIFS' flagship survey series. Its scope is every person in every type of family, with the survey open to Australians aged 18 years and over.

Families in Australia seeks to find out how families are managing, about relationships, connections and support, as well as about the things families do together or in the community, such as work and study. This survey is not representative of the Australian population, but nevertheless provides useful insights on aspects of Australian families. Further research using the Families in Australia Survey will explore these and other family relationship data as well as other issues for families, in more depth.

Families in Australia Survey 3 ran from 19 May to 30 June 2021, with 5,985 participants. Of these, about 4,000 responded to the questions about their relationships, with smaller numbers reporting about the partner relationship or the parent-child relationship, given varied family circumstances.

The first survey in the series was Life during COVID-19, which ran from 1 May to 9 June 2020. The second Families in Australia Survey, Towards COVID Normal ran from 17 November to 22 December 2020.